“Adults second-guessing Jenny’s gender — out loud and to her — began soon after the haircut,” the author writes.

Our 12-year-old daughter would like to pee without being harassed. Lately, she can’t seem to escape it.

Recently, after a long, fun-packed day at a local amusement park, Jenny used the bathroom on the way to the exit. (Jenny is a lovely name, but it’s not our daughter’s real one.) Jenny was met with an adult’s gasp on her way out of the stall and asked why she was in the women’s bathroom. Jenny responded that she is a girl.

This interaction, like many others over the past several months (at a school field trip, in the mall, in restaurants), rattled Jenny. It was the latest in a series of proverbial paper cuts that, taken together, cut deep.

Jenny was born six weeks early. She scared the life out of my wife and me when she decided it was time to make her entrance into the world long before her due date. Jenny’s independence and strength have been evident since that first day, when she came kicking and crying into this world ― whether we were ready or not. 

When Jenny announced that she was going to cut her hair short last spring, we didn’t think much of it. From the time she could talk, Jenny has carved out a style that is uniquely her. No pink or purple. Pants, not dresses. Blue hair. Green hair. Jenny defines Jenny. As her parents, we want it no other way.

The new haircut, perfectly executed, is tight on the sides and faded up to a beautiful head of curly hair. It’s a fresh look with practical value. Jenny plays soccer and basketball. Her longer style got in the way.

Adults second-guessing Jenny’s gender — out loud and to her — began soon after the haircut. During a soccer game, the father of a rival player kept referring loudly to Jenny as “he” and “him.”  It was outside the earshot of our sideline, and we didn’t find out until after the game. Our daughter’s teammates would have none of it. They checked the dad in real time, admonishing him that “you need to check your pronouns, buddy.” 

Story continues

Jenny is a strong soccer player. Perhaps this dad thought our team had an unfair advantage because he assumed Jenny was assigned male at birth. Or maybe it was a political statement about trans athletes. Could he have been…